


OC Crack

by PandaFalls



Category: OC Crack, The House at Panda Falls
Genre: M/M, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-09 22:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5557916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaFalls/pseuds/PandaFalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the residents of the OC House attempt to navigate the ups, downs, and "WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-"s of each other's personalities in these brief, silly OC crack situations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Monopoly

MONOPOLY

Athanas wishes someone had told him the rules before they started.

Typhus wishes he could break the neck of the man that _made_ the rules.

Barnaby is a total pimp ass swindler and absolutely _owned_ this game.

This pastime's purpose is still unclear to Violet, but he is very proud of Barnaby.

Erik is overwhelmed, and Michael isn't helping.

Fowl landed in jail early in the game for getting too close to Athanas.


	2. Take him!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions always run high when jealousy runs amok.

TAKE HIM!

Typhus is 110% done with Barnaby's shenanigans, as usual. The cockney bastard gets on his nerves AND touches Typhus's little fawn way too much. I mean, the only reason Fowl gets somewhat of a pass is because he's straight, BUT THIS LITTLE FUCKER OVER HERE... PAWS OFF. NO MORE FRIENDLY SHOULDER PATS, BARNA-BASTARD. That is just crossing the LINE.  
  
So, Typhus is determined to put Barnaby where he won't be causing trouble for the soldier and where he hopefully can find enough of a vent to stay away from Athanas for good. Here, sex demon, take this piece of shit. Poet is A-Okay with that. This human is going to be a treat!

Violet is NOT okay with that and he is currently trying his darndest to not go into beast mode. He is a jealous alien and does not want to share his bestest friend with anyone in that way! It is especially infuriating to hear the low muffled chuckles coming from Barnaby as Typhus goes through the motions of his overreacting anger. "Heheheheh..."  
  
Sigma is very intrigued by all of this, for these strange humans exhibit a very wide variety of emotions in very large quantities at the most random times. He is taking mental notes whilst simultaneously trying to process the new feelings all of this is bringing up.


	3. Internet Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Typhus wants to learn about the wonders of the world wide web, but Barnaby is a very bad tour guide.

INTERNET ADVENTURES

Typhus: "What in Pluto's name is this, Hughes?? You said you would show me how to use the internet!"

Barnaby: "Heheh, oh yes, tha' right there is about the most important part of the internet yeh'll ever see.  
We modern folk call it 'porn'."

Violet: "I-It's important? O-OH! PAY ATTENTION, MISTER TYPHOID, WE MUST LEARN ABOUT THE HUMAN THINGS! Oh look, Barnaby, she uses her tentacles too-"

Athanas: *WASN'T READY FOR ANY OF THIS* nopenopenopenopeNOPE

Erik: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH"  
Translation: I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THE SEEING OF SUCH  
THINGS, WHAT WILL MIKAEL SAY IF HE FINDS OUT OH GOD OH GOD


	4. Scrounging for Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're hungry enough you will do just about anything to get a meal, especially if you're a demon and your sustenance is sex.

SCROUNGING FOR FOOD

Poet is bored, lonely, and getting very hungry. At this late hour in the day, a walk near Typhus and Athanas's room can give him a nice snack more often than not, but no one seems to be in there. Neither Barnaby nor Violet are in their room so he can't hang around there either, nor does he have any chance to try to get more hands on with one or the other like he sometimes does (seeing how eager either of the two can be, given the right kind of approach). Michael and Erik's room proves to be empty as well. Where are all the amorous couples? Poet was really in the mood for some sustenance!  
  
A walk to the living room soon reveals the answer to the demon. Everyone is huddled together on the couches with their eyes glued to the TV screen.  
  
Poet: "Mmm, what's this? A game? Hmm... I have no interest in either one of these teams whatsoever." Poet approaches the couch, seats his butt in Barnaby's lap, and proceeds to stretch out to lay over everyone like a big, sexy cat as he lets his aura begin to settle over them. "Aren't there better things to do than sit here and stare at a screen?" "This is so... un-interactive. Typhus, darling, wouldn't you agree?" Having just finished up taking a shower to try to stave off the boredom, Poet is clothed in nothing but  his black silk pajama pants.  
  
Typhus: "... _What_ are you doing, incubus?? Never mind, I do not have time for this, I am trying to learn the rules of this sport! You are being too distracting!"  
  
Barnaby's eyes are fixed on the bare skin exposed by the robe, his eyes trailing from chest to robe-covered groin. He is not oblivious and focused on the game like the soldier is and he now knows the demon well enough to guess at what is going on. "Heh, distracting indeed. Feeling a li'l peckish, eh?" *licks lips* "I dunno, some poor sap's gotta take one for the team, right...?"  
  
Michael: "DAMN IT I CAN'T SEE" He is obviously the most emotionally invested in this game and the absence of three important limbs makes it thrice as hard to fight his way out of his entanglement amongst Poet's smooth tan legs. "I SWEAR, IF MY TEAM BEATS THE RAIDERS AND I MISS IT, I WILL BEAT YOU WITH MY LAST ARM UNTIL IT FALLS OFF."  
  
Athanas doesn't really care about what's happening around him, as he currently has his nose buried in a copy of "The Secret Garden" and is quite invested in the plight of the poor little girl within. However, Poet's aura is starting to get to him and he is experiencing the occasional invasive thought pertaining to his bedroom romps with his fiance. Suddenly a voice near his ear...  
  
Violet: "Hey Athanaaaaaas, do you know where the _olive oil_ went off to?"  
  
Violet proceeds to affectionately rub his cheek against the boy's hair as he explains that he needs it for cooking and he can't find it, but Athanas is too busy blushing and feeling flustered to really give a good answer. Olive oil... Typhus didn't try to take any from the kitchen supply, right?


	5. Connect Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always someone better.

CONNECT FOUR

Barnaby: "WHAT. Come on, V, I bet cash on this shit! Awright, Aurelius, triple or nothing. Whadaya say?"

Sigma: "I would not advise a further bet, Barnaby. The mind of a computer can assess hundreds of Violet's possible moves and prepare for them all. I plan the game before we even start. Perhaps a rousing round of Apples to Apples instead? That is much more subjective."

Typhus: "Heh, oh no no, let us give the gooey genius another try! As you people like to say, 'the third time is the jinx'."

Barnaby: "Charm, Typhus. Third fucking time's the fucking charm. You're shit at idioms, you know that?"

Athanas: "Wait, I did not know you can align the checkers diagonally! That does not seem fair!"

Erik: "You have tried your best and that is important thing. Is okay, Violet!"

Violet is speechless. He is not used to losing games of strategy.


	6. Family Photo

FAMILY PHOTO

Everyone is lined up to take a family photo! Athanas has volunteered to start the camera timer. Everything seems to be going normally when...

Michael: *whispering* "Hey, Erik, you should totally do the splits. It'll look so cool..."

Erik: "What, but Mikael-"

Michael: *whispering INTENSIFIES* "DO THE SPLITS DO THE SPLITS DO THE SPLITS"

Erik: "Wha- Um, O-Okay!" *SPLITS*

Michael: YESSSS, SO SEXY

Violet: "Oh my gosh, Erik, are you hurt??"

Poet notices and is NOT okay with letting Erik take the spotlight. "Hey! Me toooooooo~"

Barnaby: "POET I DID NOT ASK TO HAVE YOUR JUNK SHOVED IN MY FACE, YEW FUCKIN' NOB"

Sigma: "Well, I am a little confused by your human antics, but I shall strike a traditional American peace sign!"

Athanas: "Hey, is this timing thingy working ri-"

_CAMERA FLASH!_


	7. After

AFTER

Everyone is just starting to come down from Poet's haze.

Violet: "That was lovely! I like being close to my family!"

Typhus: *grumbling* "I never wanted to be a part of ANY of these..."

Poet: "Oh but you're _ever_ so pleasant to have around when these things do happen. We simply could not do without your classic Italian passion. Besides, Romans did this all the time."

Typhus: "Yeah, the party boys and the _idiots_. Not sensible, busy soldiers."

Athanas: *starting to doze...*

Barnaby: "Heh, well _I_ enjoyed it. I think it brings us all closer together, ya know?" *slaps Athanas's butt*

Athanas: *now WIIIIDE awake*

Typhus saw, and is now angrily getting up. "ALRIGHT, time to pound some balls!"

Barnaby: "Heh, bring it, Roman!"

 


	8. Nap Time

NAP TIME

Poet: "This is not what I meant by 'up close and personal'."

Barnaby: "Oh don't be such a killjoy. Cuddling's a blast too, once you relax."

Athanas: "I thought this was a great idea! We took lots of midday naps in Rome."

Violet: "Yes, cuddling is th- oh!"

Typhus fell asleep and is now having a lovely dream about butts; specifically a nice round British derriere.


End file.
